First, this:

Dr. Swinden sent us a poem in our last flood of homework, written by Kenneth Schmidt, from the music theory journal “In Theory Only”, 1/1. It made me laugh, so all of you Schenkerians might also.

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary
As I pondered weak and weary,
I spied at my door a raven
studying music theory.

I quoted him from Roger Sessions
And played for him some progressions,
And showed him graphs that I had done,
Quoth the raven: ^3-^2-^1.

My God! I was elated,
Schenker reincarnated!
I asked him if he had qualms,
about music after Brahms.

To test his fame as a scholar,s
I showed him works from Bach to Mahler,
And some Schoenberg (just for fun),
Quoth the raven: ^3-^2-^1.

And to prolong the discussion,
I showed him music French and Russian;
But German music, is it luck, Sir?
That it only has this structure?

(And I know it’s not your fault, Sir,
But remember Felix Salzer?
My God he’s training his ear
to struturally hear!)

Then I asked him if he “knew the score”,
(I know that was a bad pun),
But wittily once more,
Quoth the raven: three-to-one.

Say something else, Sir, I implore
Please before you run.
What of triads II and IV?
Quoth the raven: V and I
And nevermore.