Okay, okay. So the comic was pretty biased. But I *did* think about it for a while, and some of the instruments were granted a higher or lower spot than was my first inclination. So here’s my explanation.

The flute: Oh, lowest of the low. This one is totally and entirely personal bias. I know lots of really cool flutists, but I continue to dislike the sound of their instrument. Oh well?

The tuba: There’s nothing to be said for this one. I like the sound better than the flute, but there is just…nothing sexy about a tuba. Nothing.

The saxophone: I actually like the sound of the sax less than the flute. However, it’s impossible to overlook jazz sax. So.

The trumpet: It’s just not sexy. Sorry! Although, Zach Condon from Beirut gave it a bit of a boost. There *have* been sexy trumpetists.

The violin: I, somewhat guiltily, fall asleep when I go to violin-centric concerts. Except for Owen Pallett/Andrew Bird/Patrick Wolf. If all violining sounded like any of them it would be right up there with the ‘cello.

The trombone: I like the sound, I really do. It’s just that I don’t know many sexy trombonists.

The clarinet: You’d think this would be lower, according to my insanely biased and stupid standards. But it’s so pretty! Totally overrides everything else.

The piano: This one can be sexy or not depending on who’s playing and what they’re playing. This is why it’s in the middle.

The tambourine: Stereotypically sexy, but I just…I’m not a big fan.

The bass guitar: Awesome. I miss my bass so much.

The french horn: My third favourite orchestra sound. I have a tendency to get a stupid grin on my face (only in rehearsals!) when they have great soli/lines.

The oboe: Sound + Awesome + Hard = Sexy

The ‘cello: How is anything sexier than the ‘cello? I can sit and listen to cello concertos for ages, where I’d have fallen asleep near the beginning for a violin. Why? No one knows. Gah. I want to be a cellist in my next life.

The maracas: Okay, okay. You caught me. This whole scale is tongue-in-cheek. Seriously though! What’s sexier than maracas?